How to talk to kids about behavior without shaming, yelling, or threatening

There are a lot of options between completely shaming a child for their behavior and never addressing anything. Just because we don’t want to shame or yell doesn’t mean we have to be completely permissive.

Here are some thoughts on addressing a behavior without shaming, yelling, or threatening. Normalize the behavior. Talk about it as something that is difficult rather than something they are bad at. Offer choices. Validate feelings. Ask the child their experience. Convey your willingness to help.

As with most important topics, I suggest talking about this when no one is upset. If someone is actively engaging in the behavior in question, that’s not likely the best time to get their attention or have them listen earnestly. After the incident you may both be able to better reflect on it and what they can do differently.