How to Teach Gratitude
This is a parenting trigger for me. Sometimes I look at what my kids have, where they get to go and what they get to do, in comparison to other kids their age who live in third world countries or even our own, and I want to give them some perspective. I know it’s the human condition to compare what we have to what we see others having, but I also don’t want to raise entitled, ungrateful brats. I’m sure you’re familiar with that feeling.
Sometimes I’m better at this than others, but some ideas on how to teach gratitude:
Model it. This is the worst one, isn’t it? Show them that you’re grateful for the things you have and the things you get to do. How do we do that? Say it out loud to our kids and in front of our kids. Recognize and verbalize the times when we realize we aren’t being grateful or are complaining about something inconsequential.
Be clear with your language. Use words like “want” instead of “need” when you talk about something that’s not a necessity, for yourself as well as for your kids. Instead of “we need to get ketchup at the grocery store” experiment with saying “I’d like to get ketchup at the store so we can put it on our burgers.” We get so used to our preferences and our relatively easily lives that we start to think we can’t have burgers without ketchup.
Discuss the costs of things. It doesn’t have to be exact figures of how much things cost, but you can talk about how many days an adult might have to work to pay for something, or what percentage of your monthly income goes to cover housing and utilities. We don’t want to make kids feel guilty for being expensive, but bringing some awareness about finances is healthy.
Talk about your values. If travel is really important to you and that’s where you want to spend your time, energy, and money, let your kids know that. Maybe you forgo a pool membership so that you can travel, or you don’t eat out so that you can splurge more on amusement park foods. Remind your kids when you’re doing the fun thing that their sacrifices helped make it happen.
Start a spiritual practice with your child. That could be prayer, meditation, Zen yoga, or any practice of your choosing that includes some aspect of mindfulness. Remember, reflection is the goal; not perfection.
Validate disappointments too. It’s not wrong to notice when other people live differently than you do. It’s okay to be satisfied with your 10 year old car but also agree it would be cool to have tv screens in the backseats. We don’t want to go so far into preaching gratitude that we reach toxic positivity and our kids can’t share genuine feelings grief or isolation.
