My Toddler is Rude to Others!

We’ve all had that embarrassing experience of our toddler interrupting a social interaction to announce they don’t like the person we’re talking to, they don’t want someone to talk to us, or they’re otherwise unsatisfied with this person’s mere existence. What can you do about it in the moment, and how can you stop it from happening again?

First, we can address it in the moment. If a toddler is unsure about a new adult or stranger, they may be trying to express that. This is developmentally appropriate as they’re learning what adults are trustworthy. You can help your child verbalize how they’re possibly feeling by saying something like “you see someone new and you’re not sure about them.” This helps give the child some appropriate language, but (just as importantly) it also reminds the other adult that your child isn’t rude, he’s learning.

Second, you can practice social situations at home. When kids aren’t sure what to do in a situation, they may find it easier to try to prevent the interaction from happening. Saying “I don’t like that person” or telling the adult “don’t talk to my mom” may be their way of trying to avoid what may feel like an awkward interaction they don’t know how to handle. To practice, pretend to talk to someone at home. Do this when no one is upset, in a low-risk and low-stress environment. Then you can give your child options of what they can pretend to do. They could say hello to the person you’re talking to, wave to them, say nice to meet you, squeeze your hand for reassurance, or just listen to the conversation. Once you’ve practiced this at home in a neutral environment you can work up to adding another adult to the pretend- invite a grandparent or neighbor over with the goal of practicing a conversation. In the beginning keep practices short to set kids up for success. If you and the other adult each get to say hello without any objections count that as a win! Then you can gradually work up to a longer conversation, and gradually work up to trying it in real time in public.