Pathological Demand Avoidance

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a pattern of behaviors showing extreme avoidance of anything a child may perceive to be a demand. While most kids try to avoid chores or homework at times, kids displaying PDA actually perceive the demand as a threat. This leads to a dysregulated nervous system which may trigger a fight/flight/freeze response to the routine request of completing homework or putting away toys. PDA is not a diagnosis, but is a profile often associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Since kids with PDA feel threatened by demands, it is important to be intentional about how you talk to your child about what they need to do. It’s unrealistic that kids never do any homework, put away toys, or take a shower, so the reality is we need to address these things.

We want to signal to our kids that they are safe and do not need to be in survival mode by using calm tones and body language. Like adults, kids have a greater capacity to do difficult things when their nervous systems are not dysregulated. When we can meet their basic needs before making a demand, we are more likely to get their regulated selves.