How I Handle Confidentiality + Kids
What’s the deal with confidentiality and kids?
I once had a parent ask me if I would audio record every session with their kid and then secretly share it with them after their child’s session. As you can imagine, I said no. But I totally get the desire to want to know what your child is talking about!
It would be weird for your child to spend time with a complete stranger and that stranger never talk to you. But if you were an adult it would be weird and inappropriate for a therapist to share anything with your parent, spouse, or anyone else without your permission or knowledge. Child therapists fall somewhere in between these extremes. How do we manage honoring a child’s confidentiality but also communicating with parents about how their child is doing?
The way I’ve chosen to manage that is by setting expectations clearly in the beginning with both the parent and the child.
When I meet with parents initially I tell them I have 3 rules I use when working with kids:
Confidentiality- I don’t tell anyone anything a kid shares with me unless someone is in danger. Then I’ll work with other grown ups to make sure everyone is safe.
There’s no right or wrong answer. I don’t get kids in trouble and I don’t freak out about anything ids tell me.
If there’s anything I ask kids to talk about that they don’t want to talk about they don’t have to talk about it. I do encourage kids to tell me they don’t want to talk about it (instead of ignoring me or just staring blankly at me) so that I know to be respectful of their need.
When I explain confidentiality to parents I tell them that just because I won’t share with them anything their child tells me doesn’t mean I won’t talk to them at all. There are several ways that that often happens:
-the child and I invite the parent to have a conversation with us (with the child’s permission)
-I specifically ask the child if I can share xyz with their parent, and ask the child if they want to be a part of that conversation
-I have a session with just parents and I share my thoughts and ideas without sharing any of the child’s information.
