Do Kids Care About Confidentiality?

Typically, the younger a child is the less they’re concerned about confidentiality. A three year old is used to their teacher, doctor, soccer coach, dance instructor, and babysitter talking to their parent at nearly any interaction. They may not even know there could be an adult who wouldn’t share things with their parent(s).

Older kids are often more attuned to sharing things they might not want their parents to know about- whether that’s a crush at school or something they think they might get in trouble for or something they think might hurt their parent’s feelings.

It’s important to let children know that therapy is a unique space, different from school or home or dance, and their expectations can be different too. I tell kids that as an adult, I will never ask them to keep a secret, but that I can keep any secrets they want -unless someone is in danger. I also let them know if someone is in danger and they tell me something I have to share with other adults- I’ll always let them know that first. I don’t want a child to be surprised that I spoke with their parent or that I made a CPS report. I like for them to know “this is one of those things I have to work with other grown ups on to make sure everyone is safe” and then “here’s who I’m going to tell and here’s what I’m going to say.”

For kids who are concerned about confidentiality, we practice having them tell me something silly (I had a pb&J for breakfast or my teacher is an alien) and then they watch as I don’t tell their parents. It’s hard for adults too, so I try to talk to parents about what to expect, and that if they aren’t getting much feedback from me it’s because I’m working to build trust with their child.