What Are We Going to Tell Our Daughters?
Do you know how difficult it is to prove a sexual assault case? There is rarely physical evidence (around 8% of the time or less), it’s one person’s word against another, because victims don’t speak out immediately it’s often historical information and/or memories in question, and if the perpetrator is good at it there are rarely witnesses. Even when there are witnesses, the defense can always be that it was consensual or that the victim was actually the aggressor. Most jurors don’t receive any education on the dynamics of sexual assault, why a woman might delay disclosure, the likelihood of physical evidence present, or what all a victim risks to come forward with claims. Prosecutors don’t want to take cases that aren’t winnable, so charges are often dismissed even when the victim is credible and the evidence supports the claim. If you’re wondering about how potentially false allegations might fit into this dynamic, they only account for about 4% of all reports. It is so difficult to prove this crime, that out of every 1,000 rape cases, only 13 will get referred to a prosecutor and only 7 will lead to conviction (rainn.org). Read that again. Only 7 out of 1,000 will lead to conviction.
That means when someone is convicted of a sexual assault, we can believe without a shadow of a doubt that it happened. When it’s a celebrity with a big fan base and money for the best defense, even more so. Despite how unlikely a conviction is, despite the best defense and multiple systemic barriers to proving this crime, despite the benefit of public relation professionals to help steer the narrative in their favor and/or the most expensive attorneys searching for legal loopholes and statutes of limitations, a court still found this person guilty of using someone else’s body for their own pleasure without permission.
In May of 2023 a jury determined that Donald Trump sexually assaulted E. Jean Carroll in the 1990s, and then defamed her when she came forward with public allegations. As a part of that case, two other women testified to the fact that they had been assaulted by Mr. Trump in the 1970s and the early 200s, respectively, though separate charges were not filed for those cases. The jury also heard the 2005 Access Hollywood tape in which Trump said he grabs women by their genitals, and the deposition in which he said that famous men can get away with such behavior “fortunately or unfortunately.” Also in May of 2023 he was convicted of falsifying business records to pay off women he’d had sexual relationships with, including a Playboy model, and porn star Stormy Daniels.
And then we elected him president. Again. Women struggled for 72 years to vote, and this is what we did with it.
What are we going to tell our daughters? I’m resisting the urge to say we will tell them we don’t care about their safety or their bodily autonomy or their voices. That when we had the choice about who should hold the highest office in the land, we chose to side with rape culture and look the other way. That to much of the country, their safety is not worth as much as the price of eggs in the grocery store. I’m resisting the urge to tell them that if we’re okay if the President does it, no one is going to care when their fraternity brother, teacher, date, or their cousin does it. Not only will we not hold a rapist accountable, we’ll give him a promotion and make him our spokesman.
But that’s not what I’m going to say. I hope I’ll say I was naive to think we’d come so far as to believe that sexual assault charges would keep someone out of the Presidency. I wanted so badly to believe we had made it that far. But the fact is, multiple Presidents have been accused of sexual misconduct before or during office, from Thomas Jefferson to JFK to Bill Clinton. Why would I think this time was anything different? Well, in many ways it has been different.
In many points in history, the press have chosen to minimize or not disclose Presidential misconduct out of loyalty or friendship or the public’s perceived best interest. That is no longer true in the internet age, when many outlets are investigating and reporting personal and professional details on a 24 hour cycle for public consumption. We have no shortage of information and opinions.
In many points in history, women wouldn’t have come forward with allegations against a President, law enforcement would not have pressed charges, a prosecutor wouldn’t have moved forward with the case, a Judge wouldn’t have heard the case, and a jury certainly wouldn’t have found a recent President guilty of a crime.
In many points in history, the laws around sexual assault were lenient or non-existent, to the extent that even had all the above conditions been met, it would not have mattered because no law would have been broken. Now, laws and public opinion have come a long way (despite Donald Trump’s former attorney Michael Cohen responding to allegations of Trump raping former wife Ivana by saying “you can’t rape your spouse”).
In many points in history, there would not be such public discourse about a woman’s rights, such strides in believing women and holding men accountable.
Is it everything we want? Certainly not. I do not want this to be mistaken for minimizing anyone’s concerns about the setback that electing a rapist will have on rape culture, how it may embolden other predatory men, how fearful women are of coming forward, or what protective measures may get repealed under a Trump presidency. And also, I personally have a need to remember the positives so that I’m not so discouraged I’m tempted to give up. I need to notice the progress and hope in the movement toward justice.
It is not lost on me that the Presidential Inauguration is on MLK, Junior Day. Putting politics aside, it is the inauguration of a rapist on the day we celebrate Dr. King, who famously professed that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere, who was committed to peace and who fought against oppression in all forms. Last year I read King: A Life, by Jonathan Eig, about the life and works of Dr. King. I was surprised to be reminded of the number of personal and professional setbacks that Dr. King saw in his career. Violence, threats of violence, arrests, harassment, betrayal, failed campaigns, intimidation, a resurgence of Jim Crow laws, slander, controversy, regression, and intimidation were all as much a part of his story as the successful marches and peaceful legacy. And yet, the civil rights movement was considered a success and King a revolutionary for the great strides that were made in race relations in the name of peace and progress. I’m sure if he’d had the choice Dr. King would have preferred to have a journey that was smooth and safe and led straight to equality, but that’s not how history was changed then, or apparently now.
Looking for hope and motivation, I found this quote by Dr. King:
“When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe, working to pull down the gigantic mountains of evil, a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows.”
The days do feel dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair. Let’s notice the darkness, let’s collectively grieve, let us acknowledge that we are weary and worn from fighting this fight, and that we are not where we wish we were. Let’s say that we are tired and discouraged and feeling every bit of this setback. And let’s also look toward the hope of bright tomorrows.
I am reminded of another well known King quote: “if you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” You may have to remind me of this on those dreary days, some days I’m sure I will forget. But for now I will say to my daughters, my sisters, and my nieces: we are not giving up. To continue the fight against sexual assault for you and your children and their children, I will continue to run, walk, and crawl all my days. We will keep moving forward.
